Tuesday, 4 March 2014

breaking news - Shakey in chinese pond heroin addiction shocker

It has come to our attention that a certain Mr S Stevens from Kent has become addicted to Chinese Pond Heroin. Almost every morning he can be spotted hanging around a dodgy housing estate frequented by shady characters in cars all trying to score the Pond Heroin. There are often arguments about whether Indian or Chinese Pond Heroin is better, but all seem to be agreed that Squacco Heroin is shite.

In a lame attempt to fund his "hobby" as he calls it, he has taken to trying to sell dodgy heroin images from the internet, thusly

Exhibit A - some pond heroin yesterday
Exhibit B - would you pay 5 pounds for this heroin?
Our intrepid reporter can now reveal that Mr Stevens has even had the audacity to actually tick this Pond Heroin, claiming arrogantly that "Yep, its on my list. Haven't seen any evidence of it being an escape", "Martin says its OK" and also "I ain't spending 10 years in the chokey for anyone" BLAM!!!!

The only silver lining for this cloudy tale is that it wasn't on his Samphire Hoe patch so he can't be trying to muscle in on the best find for 2014 or anything.

1 comment:

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