Well it's not been for want of bloody trying! Five years I've been losing at this, and then I realised why. It was because I was trying to win it every year! The minute you say to yourself "oh feck it" and "I cannot be arsed", that's when you're in with a chance. But then after that you actually have to put in a bit of effort, Turns out I gave it 103.60%.
I understand Basil has been feeding up the Mallard with small pieces of Toblerone to ensure a suitable fat score for south(east)bound migration, and that once Seppy is in receipt of a suitably fat envelope it will be with me by June.