Monday 27 November 2023

Full Fat Patch Gank

In what is simply amazeballs news, Saturday saw five Whopper Schwanns grace Wanstead airspace for about 45 seconds. Conclusive photographic evidence was of course obtained, and if you zoom in 10000x and squint you can easily see that these can't possibly be anything else. Not only is this a patch first for Derek (that's me), it is also a patch first for the patch - Whopper Schwann has NEVER been recorded here. We have records of Bewick's from the 1930s and 40s, but never this slightly bigger (and much gankier) Schwann. With this kind of cachet it is hard to see how this could fail to win the coveted, ahem, Black Scoter, but as the other contender is from Fifa HQ I expect underhand voting, bribery and various other forms of corruption, sorry I mean 'fair play' will probably be the deciding factor.