Saturday, 8 January 2022

Golden Mallard returns home to join Cat C brethren

In what may be a record-breaking migration, the Golden Mallard (worth at least £65 on Ebay - like food and energy porcelain ducks are subject to inflationary pressures) has already returned south to spend the year in Wanstead. The normal migration strategy of Anas fantabulosa is to hang around doing feck all for a few months before finally heading off in about May or June so this is really quite remarkable and is probably due to climate change. Or the Proclaimers having some kind of bizarre accident.

It has eschewed the normal mantlepiece in favour of a small round table in the loft, sorry, I mean recording booth. It must resemble a nest for the Golden Mallard has already laid an egg. How it squeezed that one out is anyone's guess, and I am keenly awaiting what grotesque lovely species may emerge. Given the abundance of dodgy wildfowl around here I was wondering if it might be something like this, a Mandalorian Duck (worth at least £78 on Ebay ouch ouch ouch). Time will tell. For now the Mallard seems quite at home and very happy, occasionally checking the egg and pushing drinks coasters around. Brexit and Covid should mean that it doesn't go on any trips to Europe this year and can devote all its time to parenting.


  1. Safer for your wallet if there's no funny business and it stays at home - it went up to £80 on ebay last night....

  2. You are welcome. I wanted to get it to you ahead of increasing insurance premiums for named items. And I thought all mandarin ducks were plastic.