Limp Faulty wins the Golden Mallard Shocker

 Yes indeedy, despite suffering restricted movements for the final three months of the year, Basil Faulty did just enough to grind out the win for the 2024 Golden Mallard trophy. This is his second overall victory, but the first win at his current patch of Squince. 

Perhaps more interestingly, Seppy managed to squeeze out another second place, and is surely becoming the competition's Mr Consistent, while new-returnee Reg Hollis was no doubt delighted with his third place on the podium.

For posterity, here is the final league table for 2024:

Some scores, yesterday

And so it begins all over again for another year. For many competitors, it was a poor year overall (looking at you, Shakey!), but the regular scrutineers will be out in force to ensure that every competitor is giving it #110% all year for 2025, with zero tolerance for coasting.

More updates as they happen. Or as soon as Basil gets off the jax his laurels and writes up the story of today's bonaparte's gull....

Faulty Fits Up Seppy in Vote-rigging Farce

Yes indeedy, folks. It turns out that the Executive Committee has turned up convincing evidence that Basil Faulty may have rigged the recent Best Patch Find 2015 poll! Barely has the dust settled on Seppy's mantelpiece when evidence has reached us indicating that Mr Faulty demonstrated clear intent to twist the voting in his favour. Here he is just after the poll opened talking to Seppy about how Reg's Paddyfield Warbler wouldn't win before hinting that he might be able to alter the result...

The conversation continues, while Basil gets a bit more confident, goading Seppy that his votes are unlimited...

Faulty then gloats that its the perfect crime, since everyone will assume that any vote japery will be all down to Seppy...

With a final taunting jibe at Seppy's powerless er power to stop him, Faulty sends a final taunt er I mean jibe before leaving to put his dastardly plans into action...

Of course luckily this story has a happy ending, as democracy won out in the end. In a bizarre twist of fate, the house beaming Basil's wifi signal to him burnt down just hours prior to the poll closing, meaning that he was unable to vote. Coincidence? Of course! Even Seppy wouldn't stoop that low!